Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Top Ten: Part 1

As the next installment of my own personal baby manual, I will be sharing a Letterman-esque top ten list of things about parenting that are not shared in most baby books.

10. You will become obsessed, and I do mean OBSESSED, with another persons body functions. Here are a list of things that I never thought I would hear myself say that are now very regular parts of my vocabulary. "Did he poop yet?" "How much?" "Did you trying and help him (don't get too grossed out I just mean by bending his legs up)?" and my all time favorite "Let me see". Are you kidding me!!! You mean to tell me that in two short months, I went from being totally disgusted by other people's poop to asking to look at it. Yep ladies and gentlemen, that is what being a parent will do to you.

9. You will become quite the song writer. Now I must admit, this was a talent of mine even before we had a baby, but I have really honed my craft. Here is a list of some of the new Crigler Family Favorites. Again you will notice a strong body function theme in all of my new work.

Here comes Perron Poo Poo Pants
I've Got a Poot
Poop Poop Poop in my Belly

8. You will do things like post on your blog at 4:30 in the morning. That's right ladies and gentlemen, you will find a whole host of ways to entertain yourself in the middle of the night. Gone are the pre-baby days when seeing 4:30 in the morning must have signaled that you had a REALLY fun night out on the town and could now sleep until 1 in the afternoon. In fact, gone are the pregnancy days where you would only see 4:30 briefly on your way to the bathroom for the 12th time. I would kill for those days because at least i could go back to sleep immediately.

7. You will do WHATEVER it takes to get your baby to sleep and stay asleep. Everyone says "All babies like to do is sleep". Okay let me clear up a little myth for you guys. Yes all babies like to sleep, but that could only be in fifteen minute increments or only if you are holding them or only when you are desperate to try and get somewhere on time and don't want to wake them up. What people don't tell you is babies don't like to sleep during the night....or in their crib....or while you are stuck in a traffic jam. No sir, that is when they want to SCREAM!

6. You will do things you said you would NEVER do to get your baby to sleep. This relates heavily to number seven. Just yesterday Perron fell asleep in his car seat and was out like a light. He hadn't slept well all day so I decided I would gingerly take his car seat out of the car and promptly put it in his bedroom (with him still in it) and turn up the static on his little clock radio really loud (who needs a fancy white noise machine) and let him stay sleeping in his car seat.

5. You will learn how to do everything one handed. Here is a list of things I can now do one handed that I used to think would be virtually impossible.

I can go to the bathroom while holding a baby.
Even better than that I can pull up my underwear and pants one handed. Now this might not sound that difficult, but for all of you non-mommies, grab a sack of potatoes and jiggle it around while simultaneously pulling up your pants. See....it's not as easy as it looks.
I can answer work emails one handed.
I can definitely eat one handed...that one is a pretty rookie skill that is developed pretty early.

Okay...I have to cut this post short because someone is hungry and I am done pumping (don't worry...you know there will be something on my list of top ten paying homage to the pump). Stay tuned for the second half of my top ten list. Don't worry....it only gets better :)


  1. Julia, I laugh and cry (usually one or the other, not both) at your posts. Hang in there, girlie. You're doing so well!